Friday, December 14, 2018


Dear Humans,

Here’s the dachshund breed’s Christmas list, because sometimes you’re clueless about us! Therefore, we’d better tell you what we want:
1 - a special alarm that goes off whenever the word “vet” is uttered in our homes, AND
2 - a secret trap door where we can hide during the chaos following the alarm (nobody will look for us immediately, and we’ll have our stash of treats, water, and blankies waiting!)
3 - an unlimited supply of cheese
4 - an unlimited supply of treats
5 - an unlimited supply of peanut butter
6 - squeak toys that still squeak even after we “kill” ‘em
7 - an outdoor potty place that has a roof for when it rains and a heater for when it’s cold
8 - a sign for the front door so that all who enter are already aware:
“This home is run by our doxie(s), so do everything within your power for his/her/their happiness and comfort”
9 - never come here empty handed: bring something for us to eat and/or play with
10 - heated blankies
11 - all humans to rub our bellies, ears, or backs when required, for as long as required
12 - this list is subject to additions and deletions as needed (doxies CAN change their minds, you know!)
13 - NEW ITEM - Yikes! Almost forgot that we want you to read Sarge the doxie’s books of heartwarming tales because HE understands us and has done our breed proud with his accomplishments!

*Disclaimer - this list is actually meant as a joke! We doxies really don’t want to take over the world—just love us and feed us, because we love YOU unconditionally (and more than you realize)!
Merry Christmas,
Your dachshund(s)

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